Gitcher Gun

Several years ago the city had put a “no guns allowed”sign at the entrance to the city park. As one would expect,the local gun lobby, mainly one Tim Inwood, went ballistic over this gross violation of heat packing resident's rights.

Seeing an opportunity for a little satire I penned the following letter to the editor . Needless to say Mr. Iwood did not find the piece humorus

Editor, News Journal:

The other evening I decided to drive over to the city park and watch a ball game. I had read about the crime wave turning the park into a virtual no man’s land but being the naïve soul that I am, went anyway. Nothing bad ever happens to me. Alas!

I had just parked my truck near the north softball field when a burly, 12 year old girl from one of the teams approached me. “give me keys you old geezer or I will knock your darn head off’, she shouted.

Fearing for my life, I did as requested and was knocked to the ground for my efforts.

I had just struggled to my knees when I heard a childish cry, ”let’s get his wallet while he’s down”. I turned and was horrified to see an entire T-ball team rushing toward me with menace in their eyes.

I jumped to my feet, ran south toward the pond, where I jumped in to escape further harm.

The ducks and geese that call the pond home, took umbrage and attacked me with bills and wings.

Exhausted, I made my way to the shadows of Fide Avenue. As I limped home I mumbled to myself, “If I had only brought my gun none of this would have happened”. :-)

Paul Hunter